Nostradamus – Psychic Celebrity

At the height of the Renaissance an obscure French doctor becomes an international sensation with his amazingly accurate predictions, such as “”The Lion of The East Will Meet the Dark Wind.”” Wow! An infomercial for Nostrodamus’s new book of predictions reveals this doctor is not much of a psychic.

Original Air Date: Nov 29, 2001

YouTube Transcript

Welcome to History Bites I’m Rick Green.  Everyone wants to know the future.
Whether it’s election results or stock market trends or tomorrow’s weather, and even when these carefully calculated predictions turn out to be complete crap we keep coming back for more.
We want to know, that’s the appeal of astrology.   It’s still popular today despite being a load of bunk.  I know, I know I’m a Scorpio.
So I’m skeptical, but back in the 1500s astrology was huge and experts struggled to make it even more accurate.  In fact during the Renaissance many astrologers made big profits.
Some claimed they were big profits but Michelle did not heard a
more Nostradamus did both he went on to become the most famous astrologer of all time.
So let’s go back to 1558 and see what the future has in store.
I mean if Nostradamus launched a successful career based on his books imagine how big he’d a benefited from television.
Welcome Nostradamus pisces
offered the seven secrets of highly
successful people will it give people
the life strategies to win friends and
influence people well so that’s a
question everyone is asking and the
answer is in the book itself
Mabus will soon die and then it will
pass a terrible destruction of beasts
and men and suddenly we will see
vengeance at last hundred hands thirst
and hunger when the comet comes back is
there any doubt folks in the very near
future each person who is watching now
will be given a chance a coming together
of circumstance an opportunity to learn
how to order their very own copy of my
Wow that is so true and while we wait
for that opportunity to arrive let’s
talk to a collar for Nostradamus we have
Luiz from Tuscany hi Louise is it
something to do with your health now I’m
picking up something to do with your
lungs a respiratory problem maybe do you
have a cough he didn’t read your mind
he read your stars that’s right Louise
reading minds would be Satan’s work but
the stars are put there by God to give
us messages from the star over Bethlehem
that told the three Shepherd’s of the
Savior’s birth to the stars over my
hometown that told me because of
adultery a lady’s furious show she keeps
a secret from the prince in a plot but
soon the real culprit will be made known
and 17 others will be killed on the spot
our understanding of the human body
comes from which scientist the ancient
Greek physician Galen correct
Jerome whose works are the standard
reference for modern students of
God the ancient Egyptian astronomer
Ptolemy duncan the birth of a two-headed
baby and a two-headed horse in 1554 were
signs of what tetra genic chemicals
poisoning the water supply looming
division in France what about the people
who want to be able to make their own
prophecies around the clock we’ll see I
get a lot of requests like this that’s
why so many people are buying the book
it’s the power performance tool that
gives you the edge in today’s
competitive Renaissance princes kings
Nobles high church officials are all
ordering this book for the knowledge and
the foreknowledge now how do you think
the leaders in our society become so
successful and powerful by being born
into royal families right exactly
families you have money to hire
astrological experts who can tell them
the future now you can have that too
we probably bring out the grand
inquisitor to demonstrate some amazing
instruments of torture right here on our
stage including the infamous filling a
person with water I like to welcome our
newest sponsor to the Spanish television
network American Tobacco now since
tobacco first arrived here a few months
ago Spaniards everywhere have been
enjoying its calming soothing effects
okay now right here are our sage the
Spanish Inquisition wearing the 20 dunce
cap the Jews are the accused heretic
seeing a tortoise shell indicates what
obvious fact that you didn’t feed him
right at an accidental-death will soon
Robert the gundalians family were famous
for being what great singers werewolves
yeah tell us about the book folks want
to know well sue it’s a big book and
it’s all-inclusive
unless you live past the Year 3797
seriously soup right here in this book
you’ll find nearly thousand four-line
poems everyone for telling a significant
world event no is it easy to read well I
like to say if you can read you can read
my prophecies and if you can decipher
4000 lines of cryptic doggerel you can
understand exactly what I’m getting
there’s like fun you know my kids love
riddles then they’ll go bubonic over
this suit you have knitted for me table
has tripped over a black cat only to
fall face-first into a mirror a bra has
lost its Cadabra my cousin George he was
the one who wore furry boots why did he
wear for it because it was winter George
what was I thinking yeah he went to the
tailor on account of it was so cold and
tried on one of the doublets
the tailor said you want to double it
but my uncle thought he said double it
so he put on the second one right sure
that’s when the others famous command
took the breeches laughs no Gracie I
think you mean breach the break in the
front line no I mean breaches the break
was in his pants because it could be
luckily he been killed in the battle so
no one noticed well all these prophecies
are based on the finest astrological
research and this is using the Chaldean
method this is using the child Ian
method and what’s more every group of
predictions is arranged as a four line
poem with proper rhymes you know Michael
I am a huge poetry fan but poetry books
are so expensive this book has got to be
worth it for the poetry alone well
that’s a good point there are nearly a
thousand poems in here do you think you
could read us some of your poems now
well sure this is a little one I like to
call century one number 75 the tyrant of
Siena will occupy Savona the fort one he
will hold the marine fleet the two
armies for the march of ancona
because of terror the chief examined his
conscience about eat about eat yet
exactly no I just write them sooo it’s
up to everyone else to figure them out
it’s up to you call now get the book and
get the edge you need
stay tuned for horoscope readings by a
proper qualified astronomer
back in 1558 with the renaissance at its
height and new ideas flooding Europe it
was difficult to sort the facts from the
fantasy even universities taught a mix
of ancient nonsense and modern nonsense
so astrologers had a field day but most
self-respecting astrologers hated
Nostradamus because his work was so
sloppy and inaccurate while it was
probably tough combining his work as an
astrologer with his day job as a doctor
unfortunately he wasn’t much of a doctor
either are you the victim of fraud
injustice or shady dealings call me I’m
golden boy I’m a knight errant and a
friend of the little guy Pierre Dix paid
20 crowns for a personalized birth chart
from Nostradamus along with a reading
the mistakes in that reading ruined his
life that’s when he contacted us for
help well he said when I was 24 I would
inherit a fortune from a stranger and
and at the time it seemed like a good
idea still does did this affect the way
you handled your affairs sure it did I
mean when you know you got money coming
like that you spend a little more you
know I I racked up huge debts now you’re
now 26 that’s right
have you inherited a fortune from a
stranger no have you inherited a large
sum of money from a stranger no sir I
have not as any stranger died and willed
to you a rich inheritance not at all no
this prediction clearly says that you
would receive an inheritance an
inheritance of great value but queeth by
a stranger did that happen it did not
no the quest birthright legacy parentage
that was bestowed not really no not of
mr. Nostradamus predictions came true
well he did predict the man who opens
the tomb when it is found and does not
close it immediately evil will come to
him that no one will be able to prove
which is you know pretty much what
happened last year only it wasn’t a tomb
it was a sack of bread and the evil came
to my brother when he
we tried to speak to Nostradamus at his
Provence home however he had vacated the
premises being here where is he
we don’t know why is that looters work
we’re Luthor’s Lutheran’s these
neighbours of Nostradamus had plenty to
say about the astrologers blasphemous
religious beliefs and his questionable
ability as a doctor okay okay the thing
is this Nostradamus guy right like his
family’s converted Jews right so he’s
like the devil’s servant yeah he’s like
a crap doctor do his wife was sick with
the plague so he goes to Nostradamus for
medicine God gives them these Rose pills
right like the smells supposed to cure
the plague right yummy and it tastes
goodie all right so then guess what
happened she died
oh you gave it away everyone I did not
it was obvious come on it’s irony okay
so she dies of the plague right for like
two days later nice curate well I gotta
say she smells great you know like we
went up to the coffin to give her sniff
know hey tell me what I smelled moving
from the world of Medicine to science
new research shows the universe may be
more complex than first thought the
traditional view was that everything is
made up of four elements the Greeks knew
this the Romans knew this then for a
long time everyone forgot about it
except some monks somewhere then
Europeans knew it again but a
controversial Swiss botanist and
philosopher has added three new elements
to the mix salt sulfur and Mercury
what’s that Clarence the alchemist who
could turn lead into base metals
George Cyrus was a knight you remember
when the Knights were all on the
Crusades killing Arabs
what kind of cook Clarence just couldn’t
kill them why not
because he was in France silly Alma used
to chase him and give him these big
boils around his neck
finally the father said we’ll have to
laughs that boy Clarence had his Lance
right there with him he lester’s boils
with a Lance first he put it in boiling
water so he boils his Lance so we could
Lance’s boy alive today if you go up to
a group of astronomers and ask them for
a horoscope you’ll get a lecture on
science but back in 1558 astronomers
would have given you a birth chart some
predictions and a large bill and people
paid plenty for their predictions but
the genius of Nostradamus wasn’t so much
his predictions
it was a getting people to believe his
predictions had actually predicted
something I’m sure a lot of our viewers
at home are thinking well this looks
like a great book but I already have an
almanac which prophecy is the events of
the year ahead well so you said it right
there these Alma necks prophesy a year
ahead if you call now in order my
complete book of predictions the
centuries you get not one year not two
years not even 100 years but 2,000 years
of prophecy and they’re kids and the
next 113 generations
that’s value and that’s all included in
the price it’s all included you’ll never
need to buy another Elma knack again
because it’s all in the book
to find out if Nostradamus had indeed
ripped off mr. Dix with faulty
predictions I talked to an expert in the
Stars Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe
you’ll have to forgive this fingerman
nose I got it chopped off in a fight
about who was the best at maths and who
we decided I was the best at maths but
he was the best at chopping noses asked
me how I smell how do you smell terrible
you take math pretty seriously better
maths gives you better astronomy and
that means better astrology and better
that’s why Copernicus put the Sun in the
middle it makes the maps easier he was
one heck of an astrologer that
Copernicus we showed this expert
astronomer the star chart that
Nostradamus had prepared for mr. Dix oh
this is terrible rubbish
complete rubbish he’s got two suns here
one in Aquarius one in Scorpio dial I’d
have to say this guy’s maths just
doesn’t add up
that much more affordable girls if you
want to look like a lady of the court
with a big farthingale for that
semicircular look well you don’t need
whale bones and corsets now the
budget-conscious are using a foam roll
giant lot of fabric that simulates the
farthingale talk about dressing hip now
you can enhance your waist and thighs
and make it look so much fatter
what if they say I don’t want to be
aware and prepared and in the know soon
so those people I say son 12th of Taurus
an earthquake at hand ruin strikes the
field theater hall to darken and trouble
air sky and land upon God and Saints the
infidel will call absolutely
when we come back I predict more
predictions there are dozens of stories
of the amazing predictions made by the
French astrologer Nostradamus and how
they came true and how he was exactly
right and unfortunately most of them are
just legends made up long after he died
even the predictions that made
Nostradamus famous during his lifetime
aren’t all they’re cracked up to be now
Nostradamus I’ve read your book and I
was amazed by some of your predictions
can we just take a look at one of them
here sure the young lion will overcome
the old in single combat on the
puts out his eyes in a cage of gold two
fleets made one a cruel death is sealed
now let me see if I’ve got this
our very own King Henry died in single
combat during a joust of the soldier the
jousting field is like a battlefield and
I’m guessing they both had shields and
boss with lions well it’s not quite as
simple as that sue but I’m glad you
asked because it shows our viewers how
to interpret my predictions I say lion
and the lion is the what of the animals
the king Wow and both the men in the
joust were Kings yes one was a king and
the other was ruled by a king and was
probably the king of his own household
incredible now King Henry the old lion
was 40 when he died some people might
say 40 isn’t that old well it is in lion
years it’s a hundred and forty
and he was up against a young lion who
was what 16 17 34 which is younger than
the old line and you even predict how
the king would die yes i theorize that
he would put out his eyes in a cage of
gold and of course the king’s head was
in a cage a cage we call a helmet and it
was made of iron which is a metal just
like gold and costs a few gold coins and
I believe was hammered into shape by a
blacksmith probably named Larry gold
actually his name was Philip Nast pocket
Oh nos Bakken is Norwegian for gold or
possibly Lion King and the piece of the
Lance that killed Henry went into his
head just inches from one of his eyes
the word is right here and you said the
two plates have become one yes well that
part probably hasn’t happened yes
well Pierre we finally got a response
from mr. Nostradamus oh great first the
bad news Nostradamus and his
organization say they can’t return the
money for your horoscope this was never
about the money for the horoscope I
wanted the money from the inheritance
okay well now let me finish he did admit
that there may have been some errors in
the first one he’s drawn up a revised
horoscope for you free of charge
here it is Oh cook says among other
things that you will not receive an
inheritance from the stranger at the age
of 24 well that’s true so obviously this
one’s a lot more accurate you better
already and that’s because you will
receive two large inheritances from two
strangers at the age of 27
shivers run up and down my spine but I
have to ask you are these amazingly
accurate Prophecy’s real predictions are
just incredibly lucky guesses well sir I
think would be pretty hard to dismiss
this as guesswork I mean what are the
odds that out of a thousand vaguely
worded predictions one would resemble
obviously one in a thousand the
remarkable Nostradamus predicted the
date of his own death November 15 67 and
he actually died June 15 66 spooky but
despite these nagging life-and-death
Nostradamus his work has lived on
serving as a disaster filled row
shacking blot for anyone and everyone in
the 1800’s writers showed how he
predicted the rise of Napoleon later the
same verses were recycled to show how
he’d predicted Hitler even the Nazis
used Nostradamus his book to show how
Hitler would win the war the Allies then
used it to show that Germany would lose
and as we now know the Allies proved
Nostradamus was right even today you can
use his predictions to pick winning
lottery numbers or vice versa so
Nostradamus future looks good even if
his history of predicting things was bad
but then the future is always rosy and
history always bites oh the Queen was so
she gave him a hood you mean he got a
knighthood Gracie a knighthood is an
honor Gracie had knighthood doesn’t keep
your head warm
that’s just what uncle Clarence said so
we took it back and complain and the
Queen feel about that her majesty that’s
all bad about his cold head that she had
one of the people take it off