Francisco Pizarro

In 1524 Spanish conquistador Francisco Pizarro’s journey to Peru in search of gold and how he handled the Incan civilization he encountered is portrayed in this episode. Includes a Star Trek parody called “Sea Trek” with Spanish conquistadors standing in for the Enterprise crew.

Original Air Date: July 2004
YouTube Transcript

Hello and welcome to History Bites I’m Rick Green.
People are always after a quick buck and they always have been 500 years before
blue chips and e-commerce the shrewd
investor placed his bets on gold South
American gold assembled a good team a
few ships the right equipment and you
could get very rich very quick these
entrepreneurs were known as
conquistadors that’s Spanish for
conquerors they sailed from Spain to
make a killing in South America
literally these guys were a tough breed
of speculator and business was cutthroat
rather than take gold from a mine shaft
or a mountain stream the conquistadors
took it from other people
first Aztecs been Incans this may sound
like stealing but to a conquistador it
was just a question of cutting up the
middleman and it was legal they were
acting on behalf of the Spanish crown
and the Catholic Church so let’s go back
to the Year 1520 for where a brave
ship’s crew is heading off to adventures
in a new world it’s a story that’s
stranger than fiction perhaps even
science fiction West the final frontier
these are the voyages of the sea ship
golden prize who’s 12 year mission to
explore strange new countries to seek
out new races new civilizations then
kill them all and steal their gold
Captain’s Log sea day June 14 15 20 70
Captain Francisco Pizarro reporting
during a routine exploration of the
South American sector we have arrived at
the bay of doom Brea’s
this region is inhabited by a simple
hospitable people who possess vast
mineral wealth gold captain this entire
area might prove to be a rich resource
for the Spanish Federation these Indians
seem so friendly and happy just look at
those villages having a little do an
Inca dinky doo perhaps we shouldn’t
disturb their peaceful way of life
captain bizarro have you forgotten the
prime directive as members of the
Spanish Federation of conquistadors we
are bound by the mandatory interference
Code section four paragraph 3 you shall
take their gold and territory then force
your beliefs and religion upon them on
pain of death sounds logical
mr. Gonzales i captain
stand by to eradicate bananas captain we
have a wee problem what is it Nancy it’s
the Google reserves captain what were
the storms in a long voyage can we
conquer these Incans or catholic captain
with no golden foot supplies running low
we could make conquer a wiki these three
youths Gandhi be Mossad activate the
transporter beam
captain I’m picking up a message what is
it mr. de Soto
it’s from the governor of Panama captain
he says they cannot spare the resources
to conquer every Bay and Inlet we
discover you’re ordered to return to
base at once that arrogant fool if we
don’t help these Incans get rid of that
gold it could fall into enemy hands
indeed captain logic dictates it is only
a matter of time before the British or
Dutch send warships to this region well
I don’t know what you’re gonna do about
him Frank
the governor represents the king and
queen of Spain his word is final
captain supplies have dropped the
critical levels
can we switch to auxiliary food supplies
Ganzi hey captain we still have our
leather boots we could start eating at
the button and would have got away to
the top after the top I think it’s time
I met with a king and queen of Spain now
you can have a Madonna for your very own
thanks to the great padam a child sale
at the starving artist’s art warehouse
it’s a Madonna and Child blow of old
masters new masters hundreds to choose
from now if you are traveling through
Incan lands remember they don’t have
cows they do have llamas so you may want
to experiment with some local meats in
your Incan stew if you’re not sure what
to try as your guinea pig why not go
with what the Incas use a guinea pig
Captain’s Log sieve a July 26 1529
having been refused financing by
Panama’s governor de los rĂ­os I’ve had
to sail back home to Spain to seek new
backing from King Charles and Queen
Isabella leave us
you are the one they call captain pizza
roll bizarro but your husband King
Charles he’s not here he has a way
that’s battle he battles often it is his
way you will deal with me what is your
business I come seeking your support
there are vast lands which you which we
can conquer in your name I have other
lands I need Germany Austria Italy but
those are merely countries I offer you
on the world
where is this new world out there beyond
the ocean this new world offers many
precious things my ship and my dream
have the technology to help you get gold
and jewels
I have other golden jewels I need but
this new world offers even more this
tree gum called chicle
ooh yes natives find this chewing gum
quite a delicacy I would think a woman
of your exquisite taste might find the
experience quite stimulating really
captain I have no need for such
I’ll pick Joan to plug okay Joe I hear
you’ve got a new plate coming out yes
it’s this fabulous story of a Jewish
woman who decides to give Christianity a
try after a while she says and she goes
back to Judaism
it’s called converse a reversal now if
you were accused of being a heretic
what’s the first thing an Inquisitor
might give you the opportunity to do
bend ova I kid I would say leave the
country I’ll agree no I’m sorry the
correct answer is to confess wearing a
coarse woolen robe call to San Benito
and a foolish conical hat I’d rather
leave the country than be seen in
something like that do you like my new
nightgown yeah I don’t know why you take
it off so I can get a better look at
yeah it is nice what is this silk mm-hmm
soap must have cost a fortune we can’t
afford anything it says Made in China I
wanted some money from mr. Esteban what
mr. esta ban these Jewish ray v Lateran
council changed its rules on user e now
anyone can lend money not just Jews
oh jeez Deborah I don’t know I’m not
real comfortable borrowing money from
someone who wasn’t you know Jewish that
is so racist ray Jews I just think they
generally they’ve been doing the whole
money lending thing for the past 500
years and they’re very good at it they
had to be
they weren’t allowed to own land or join
gills or make money any other way
exactly and hey hey would you go to a
doctor or wasn’t Italian no no you know
why did we ever got the training that’s
why I don’t think that a person’s race
should determine what kind of job they
do and I think the church agrees with me
all right all right you go ahead you go
to your Catholic moneylender this is
great Frank
Queen Isabella financed the entire thing
we’ve got our cabooses horses and 250
men even a clerical team to help you
convert the Indians in addition to our
share of the gold we’ve been granted
permission to rule this new territory
captain how did you negotiate such a
favorable agreement let’s just say I
push for whatever I could get come on
gentlemen we’ve got a civilization to
wipe out when we return
live long and prosper unless you’re a
Native American
by the 1500s when Pizarro and his fellow
conquistadors arrived off the shores of
Peru the Incas were certainly top dogs
of the Andes Mountains they also had the
top gods that’s because when the Incas
defeated another tribe they also
destroyed the tribes gods and temples
and then forced them to adopt the one
true Incan faith but you know what they
say what goes around comes around any
luck cross it difficult to say Frank the
entire Incan belief system is so alien
but near as I can tell they believe in
the son is God the Son of God but we
kind of time double question know the
Sun in the sky as God they’re pagans
Frank we can do as we please good work
father it gets better
they have other practices the lord inca
has seers who predict weather and battle
strategies by examining the entrails of
llamas captain if the Incas possess
intestinal technology they may not be as
backward as we had assumed perhaps this
civilization warrants further study
mr. mangle I’ve got to think of my ship
and filling it with coal we’ve got to
find out what makes this culture tick
and how to stop it from okay madonna and
child not sold separately and we’ve also
got manger scenes manger scenes and more
major scenes each bigger church approved
you get married in the mountains of
these Indian lands to the south you’ll
find plenty of llama dung to help grow
your crops in the coastal areas guano
makes a wonderful fertilizer but what
about that area in between I like to use
a combination of the two which I call
gung this beige colored crop helper is
terrific all you need is a gun ho
they may not charge a fight these
Peruvian hack animals can spit chewed up
grass like you wouldn’t believe this
once spotted me in its tea tree it
doesn’t look too happy there wasn’t it
rocking that cantankerous cut you was
fully loaded it’s no one of the Incas
loved to sacrifice Lammers to the Inca
garden a few hundred Spaniards against
fifty thousand Incans Frank it’s
hopeless you can’t go down there
indeed I would calculate the likelihood
of victory to be approximately two
thousand one hundred and forty seven
point three to one captain I’m picking
up a power source from beyond the Andes
Mountains some kind of controlling force
this may be the Lord Inca we have heard
about that’s it captain miss Romero tell
me what do you know about Hernan Cortes
a Spanish conquistador born 1485 his
victory over the Aztecs is mandatory
reading at the academy ah yes I see well
I don’t see what is it mr. I’ll macro
simple father by kidnapping their leader
and ruling through him Cortes was able
to defeat a city of 1 million Aztecs
captain Pizarro believes it might work
here as well
it’s brilliant Frank but what if Cortez
is too busy to come down here come on
gentlemen let’s cross those mountains
set alchemist is on
maximum dispersal not that Pizarro could
have known this but he really picked the
perfect time to try and wipe out the
Incas that’s because the Incas were
already busy wiping themselves out in a
civil war it was a civil war that was
part family squabble when Lord Inka
hyuna capac died he left behind two sons
and each of them made a claim for the
throne while atahualpa ultimately
defeated huis car the fighting really
weakened his army this family feud would
lead to jeopardy mr. de Soto did you get
a message through to pata well yes sir I
told him that we wish to meet him to
establish a long lasting friendship with
the Incas you didn’t mention anything to
them about us wanting to ambush and kill
them no sir I was very careful about
that good work mr. de Soto now producing
better and stronger alloys of metal that
means that guns can be smaller it’s like
your own personal cannon these new
handheld weapons pistols carbines and
ARCA buses are sweeping the battlefield
literally so these days a smart shopper
can pick up swords and armor for a saw
the end of Knights and armor can be the
beginning of a very impressive bread
knife Captain’s Log sea date November 15
15 32
having passed through the Andes
Mountains we have arrived in the Incan
city of Chi marker here we wait for word
from the Lord Inca at the Lord Inca make
sure no one charges until I give the
signal I’m gonna try and reason with
them first so hopefully we can avoid any
I am captain Francisco T Pizarro of the
Spanish Federation of conquistadors we
offer you our friendship and ask only
for your goal I am well but we do not
need your friendship I am a god I am
perfect no you are a man you are
imperfect and you hurt your people I
help my people my laws required stores
of food be kept for times of famine but
you hurt them by preventing the poor
from dying off of salvation you also
require others to cultivate the land of
the elderly in Hannegan the strong ate
the weak the Lord in conducts all his
why did you imprison your brother who
asked our and murder every member of his
Wesker was a pulse code false gods must
be destroyed and it’s the law
if who asked our was not a god then he
must have been just an ordinary person
one of your people it was necessary to
punish him he earned by anger but you
said you loved all your people the lord
encamps all his people no you hated who
asked that means you are mistaken
i if you are mistaken you cannot be gone
therefore you are a false car era false
gods must be destroyed
obey along
now may grow now
security take them away
coming up the conquistadors do some
conch easting
while the conquistadors victory over the
Incan Empire is remarkable they had a
few things in their favor
first the invading Spaniards had deadly
weapons that the Incas had never even
seen before
and second Pizarro and his men got the
help of neighboring tribes who’d been
conquered by the Incas the enemy of my
enemy is my friend
but the conquistadors greatest ally was
their smallest one a stealth weapon of
mass destruction
captain’s log see date August 27 15 33
with atahualpa civilian prison the Incan
soldiers have put up little resistance
to our attacks and their resistance to
the smallpox that is spreading through
their ranks is even less this outbreak
of smallpox is like a gift from God Oh
Frank I’ve had a chance to examine at a
these reports of him having a golden
stool I checked twice Frank no gold I
think they must be referring to the
chair he sits on that’s too bad it could
have been very viable huh mister oh my
grop your status report on the lord inca
he has been cooperating fully with our
request captain and he has established
close friendships with both your brother
Hernando as well as mr. de Soto in
addition he recently offered the
Federation a room completely full of
gold in exchange for his freedom
recommendations accept his bribe and
execute him anyway
impeccable logic as always mr. hull
Michael Thank You captain Kanzi how’s
the melting process coming along well
let’s come along Sutter but melting the
gold into ingots with this tiny furnace
it takes time we don’t have time
Ganzi King Charles needs his gold now I
cannot turn the furnace any hotter
captain if I do she’ll blow like a
dragon I love bean diet you’ve got two
aye sir
yes mr. de Soto the reports of the
temple in Cusco are true it’s completely
full of gold and the Incas keep several
of their most beautiful virgin girls
deserve their lay in a course for the
temple fill your custom order we can
include members of your family in your
scene commissioned us today we use only
the most expensive paints including blue
public health officials say with only a
few hundred deaths reported this year
the latest outbreak of plague which
began two years ago appears to be over
you know I’ve been all over the world
I’ve seen much much beauty but you you
are more lovely than all of those others
put together for the first time in my
life I feel truly happy
well the forced conversions are
continuing are NAWAPA is executed and
the gold just keeps rolling in all’s
well that ends well hey father there’s
just one thing I don’t understand mr.
owl Meg grow when you originally put
Otto WAPA on trial you sentenced him to
be burned alive later
you had him garroted a quicker and less
painful death why the compassion
compassion I think not Father karate is
a more expedient and less costly form of
execution logic dictated he died that
way I don’t know miss Romero we might
just make a decent human being out of
you yet
after the death of auda who walpa
Pizarro and his conquistadors quickly
gained control of Peru
unfortunately they then succumbed to a
powerful force their own greed
am i grow and Pizarro had all of Peru to
divvy up but they couldn’t agree on who
should get what Pizarro’s brothers
captured on Magro and after a trial as
bogus as the one that atahualpa had
received they executed him now magros
supporters then assassinated Pizarro in
defeating the Incas and capturing their
treasure the conquistadors had made
history but the very desire for wealth
which had pushed them to that victory
eventually betrayed them making them
history in another way in history like
an angry llama bites