Apparently the Aztecs are running out of hearts to cut out, which is hard to believe because they’re conquering all the mainland and you know boys and girls it’s times like this I say hooray for living on an island. With the Aztecs running out of hearts we thought we’d help a bunch.
Top 10 List Parody
So here’s tonight’s top ten list here we go from the home office in the hut on the other side of the bay.
The top ten slogans for the Aztecs heart campaign
#10 Have a heart? Dibs!
#9 Let’s have a heart to heart
#8 A day without sunshine is like a day without thousands of human sacrifices
#7 War, put your heart into it!
#6 Cross your heart, hope to die, and we’ll take it from there ,by force
#5 Thanks a lot you heartless prisoners
#4 For once, it’s okay to lose heart
#3 Heavy heared? That’s a weight problem we can help with
#2 Make a sacrifice in vein and aorta
#1 We’d love to play with your organ
Stupid native people who don’t deserve this tropical paradise. I am leaving soon and you will forgive me if I speak bluntly. With the advent of sea exploration the world is growing smaller every day. Spain’s empire continues to expand and culture’s different from our own cannot be tolerated. Mine is a highly advanced civilization one that recognizes you as savages who need to be enslaved.
This does not mean that you as conquered people will have to give up any freedom, except the freedom to live freely. On our continent we have created and accepted and organization for the assimilation and betterment of all indigenous peoples, it is called the church. It is a perfect organization one of peace and brotherhood, but if you do not believe me I can arrange for you to take it up with God personally. It is no concern to me how you run your island, but if you threaten to continue your godless gold hoarding ways this land of yours will be reduced to a smallpox ridden wasteland.
I will return shortly, but until then I leave you with two choices join us and live in peace with plenty of back-breaking unpaid work for everyone, or pursue your present life style of hedonistic pleasure and face obliteration.
The decision rests with you, we’re going to be heroes.