The Norman’s – Leaving Norman

The Domesday Book

Twenty years after the Norman’s invade and occupy Britain, the new King of England decides to do a survey to find out what he’s conquered, who he’s conquered, and how much tax he can charge them. It’s the first real census in history, and it’s presented as a parody of CBC classic show “”On The Road Again With Wayne Ronstad””.

The compilation in 1068 of the Domesday Book, the first modern census, is the focus of this episode. The sketches focus on the fact that considering the census was being made for a fairly punitive tax rate, people went to extraordinary lengths to hide assets.

Original Air Date: April 11, 2002

YouTube Transcript

William The Conqueror on History Bites

Welcome to History Bites I’m Rick Green. They say the only certainties in life are death and taxes, well that was certainly true for William the Conquerer.

He dished out a whole lot of death when he invaded England in 1066, after putting down various rebellions he decided to cover the cost of all that conquering with taxes, but to tax people you have to figure out what they can pay.

Since nobody filled out tax returns in medieval times William sent his accountants escorted by armed guards to take stock of the whole kingdom.

The final tally a gross national product was compiled into the Domesday book. Naturally folks weren’t pleased about property assessment or paying more taxes.

So let’s go back to the Year 1086 and see how Britain would have looked if the Domesday book had been doomsday

television.

Is a census of all Britain from your slaves and go to your kidneys tally your

crops in the fields your livestock will

be revealed

over every about will discover and I’m

covered

my keys will pay his bills what you got

[Music]

King William Cinco

where the bandwidth to stable King

William Santa we’re the death with the

Jews

what I Wayne Rolston and welcome to this

week’s edition of on the road to

doomsday where we travel the highways

and byways of the kingdom reading people

and gathering information for the

Doomsday Book you may remember last week

shower we visited bacon 4-pin Norfolk

where mrs. Agnes showed us her husband

Thurston’s beautiful property well after

we’d finished shooting she had two

questions for me when she said what do

you do with all the information you’ve

written about my land and why is this

book called the Doomsday Book well I

guess we get these questions quite a lot

all the information in the book will

eventually go to King William who wants

to know exactly how much land and

livestock everyone owns so he can take

his share in taxes thanks to the

information we gather Agnes your

husband’s taxes will go up more than

500% and that’s where the title of the

Doomsday Book comes from because as we

all know taxes are as inevitable as the

day of final judgment this week were

continuing our travels through the Shire

of Norfolk and we’re going to pay a

visit to Raynald son of ival so let’s go

fellas

[Music]

he was a Viking I believe his name was

Norman just like my uncle Norman except

he wasn’t a Viking he was a Virgo no no

that other man wasn’t named Norman

he was a Norman he told me he was part

Viking I couldn’t tell which part but I

assumed it was something he’d rather not

talk about I know the feeling the

preysing

Norman is actually short for North man

that’s what the French called the

Vikings because they came from the north

I thought the Normans came from the

south didn’t they come from the south

yes they came from the south when they

crossed the English Channel into Britain

from France but they came to France from

the north so the North men came from

Normandy which is north France and

invaded southern England that’s right by

going north George don’t be silly

someone started north France go north

and end up in South England

I thought Vikings were expert navigators

well I’d like to see what I’ve navigate

this conversation anyway the Normans now

run England so Norman is short for North

Men and it means Vikings that’s it

wait’ll I tell poor uncle Northman he

didn’t know it was a bad

he will be happy that he’s running Great

Britain under the old Saxon system the

peasants were owned by sex and Thane’s

and URLs but after the Normans conquered

the Saxons and began ruling England that

all changed instead of a lifetime of

slavery under a saxon thane the english

peasants could finally look forward to a

lifetime of slavery under a Norman

knight as we wander around your

beautiful land here Raymond yeah I can’t

help but be struck by the but charming

people that live here about oh yeah

they’re they’re a great people Wayne

yeah thanks no wonder the people we just

met I’m assuming those were slaves oh no

Wayne I I don’t have any slaves really

oh really well no that’s funny because

they told me but they were your screams

they did oh well you know they’re

probably just saying that cuz they don’t

want to get you know tax themselves you

know we’ll have to look into that a

little bit later what do you guys do

what are you talking to him for it’s all

this way through years all this your

property well uh yes and no well more no

I would be that’s that’s there nothing

to do with me the neighbor likes to park

it there no there’s no sense in writing

it down because it’s not mine no what do

you keep in here Raynald uh well Wayne

this is where I keep my swine this is my

swine pen my ass died and well the swine

aren’t here right now they’re off

grazing in the woods you see cuz so they

don’t like people on they’re really

sickly animals anyway so you know spine

I used to keep swine oh really

yeah no how many would you say you have

I’d say about five five maybe eight well

you know your your slave ler said you

had 15 they did well y’all you know you

know how slaves lightly and I know they

do sure or I mean that they would lie if

they were my slaves which they’re not

right great well in that case they

probably weren’t lying and they were

be sure you had 15 Luther boys you

knowing now that I think about it

probably was 15 I’m uh I’m not very good

with numbers so uh you know a lot of

people have that problem here so I’m

gonna just write down fifteen swine here

in my book just so I don’t forget write

in swine that looks like 50 Robert which

king of England was killed at the Battle

of Hastings here on the second correct

Amy what huge tapestry commemorates the

Battle of Hastings the Bayeux Tapestry

correct will what sound does a mace make

when it hits a warrior’s skull close

it’s bunk lumpy what is the central core

of the castle used for the last stands

against invaders big keep

[Music]

and now a few minutes with Andy Rooney

maybe it’s just me but this new

bilingualism in England is really

starting to annoy me

in the old days we raised cow piggy

sheep and when we killed them and cook

them we ate cow pig and sheep

now these Normans insist on calling the

meat by their french names I can’t even

pronounce half these French animal names

I heard some food at the end the other

day the daily specials were a pork chop

or a belief pie who can understand these

foreign words why can’t they just call

the food what it is a pig chop and a cow

I hate it when people try to force

French down my throat you know what’s

gonna happen since we do all the farming

slaughtering cooking and serving the

animals names will be English but since

the rich Normans eat the finished meals

all the names for the cuts of meat will

be in French when we return the Normans

make sure England comes to its senses

[Music]

come to count all your stuff make sure

that you are taxed enough after William

the conquerer became King of England in

1066 he discovered he’d inherited a

valuable new right the right to levy a

land tax on every one of his new

citizens so in 1086 he commissioned the

Domesday book a national survey of what

everyone’s land was worth naturally some

citizens went to great lengths to make

their land appear less valuable well hey

it doesn’t do to show off because

there’s nothing doesn’t come on guys

whole bunch of stuff in here

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

no by golly what’s that over there

there’s got a mill we’re we’re through

there ah yeah that’s that’s a water mill

Wayne that’s a really old water mill

though well you know it looks like it’s

working okay door there people over

there probably just some peasants

playing around right yeah well you know

the wonderful thing about coming to the

country as that you’ll find all sorts of

things described in the official

documents even in the even in the letter

that you said it’s describing your

property there was there was no mention

of a mill at all

there is it don’t mumble – well that’s

probably because it’s really old wing

and I didn’t want to mention it because

it’s not worth anything

tell you what let’s go have a look

inside shall we I think we should I

think we should all right but the

floorboards are weak so watch yourself

oh my gosh this is fantastic what a

lovely shape yeah I guess so it’s not

peasants they really love to restore

things you got it oh you can what

they’re grinding corn there this is what

that is not just the wind you know you

know what I love I love to see a

beautiful old building like this

restored yeah you know I’m gonna just

right but doable yeah in the book yeah

working mill public health officials are

delighted at the rising popularity of

bathing the traditional five or six

baths a year of our forefathers is

giving away to more frequent bathing

that in turn should lead to better

health for all as friends and neighbors

gather together in hot public baths to

wash off the week’s accumulation of

grime rinse out their open sores and

cleanse any burning blisters in one

large hot tub the Normans were very

environmentally conscious of this new

country they’d conquered after all

invading conquering and then suppressing

various rebellions had cost an arm and a

leg and thousands of heads so the

Normans passed strict new laws to guard

English forests preserve the English

countryside and protect English animals

from hunting by English natives

that way the animals could be hunted by

their norman masters will what unfree

peasant owns land but must also work on

the Earl’s land sounds like there the

answer is a velena lumpy who lives in a

cottage and is the lowest of the unfree

peasants definitely stand a kurta Robert

what name is given to a man who

unlawfully hunts or traps on a Lords

land Stan that’s why they hung him the

answer was a poacher and at the end of

that round other possible five pumps you

netted a pathetic zero time to decide

whose brains should be beaten into

plowshares Stan’s

has no stand yes most Shire of Norway

doing the survey the land of Reynolds

son of mine but a real eye-opener I can

tell you it taxes the imagination to see

all the things that could be taxed they

have to write that right down would you

mind holding that for me perfect

let me show me the way for you oh thank

you very much well that is a charming

woodland back how many swine would just

say it could graze there what

no I I’d say maybe like four at the most

no no no I think about 20 now no it’s

not time to rate it’s freezing for

quickly swine

you’re gonna write that number on my

book yes oh yeah but you know what if

you don’t like it you can always appeal

what’s that I can actually appeal it

wait heroes let’s sheep wow I don’t hear

anything I think it is I don’t let’s go

have a look I think we should it could

be crickets and you can’t tax me on

those

good evening I’m Rena bond Chester and

this is the point tonight big legal

changes as a new Norman administration

tries to modernize the British legal

system goodbye we’re Guild

hello trial by ordeal how will Britons

who are used to paying for the crimes

with cash adapt to a judiciary based on

excruciating pain there hasn’t been this

much construction going on in Europe

since the end of the Roman Empire

Oh for me thank you really Jim have the

flowers fell off

yeah well this Danny way you know folks

with a lot of the skilled laborers over

there working on churches and castles

you know home building is really now a

do-it-yourself project for sure so the

day we are gonna learn how to fence up

property we’re gonna use pine cuz why

that’s what we have grown on the

property that’s right now you know for

some reason I like my rails on my fence

to be Oh about a foot apart now are you

talking about a Roman foot or a drusus

foot it’s a Roman foot okay now how big

is the property – half a league by a

league oh really I thought it was a

league by almost two leagues okay yeah

but no are you talking the big leagues

or the little ones I don’t know my dad

never let me play in Little League it’s

cuz you swung both ways that’s why oh

boy a little testy today

hey but anyway okay how much is that a

miles miles yeah what are you talking

about Roman miles a germinal I’ll

convert it to Roman okay boy why don’t

we just measure the area in acres then

you know what let’s use Bibles map is a

way easier mathis I’d rather use you

care or burials you can’t here we start

with a Jew Guerra yeah alright let’s use

due care all right take out your

calculators now you got 400 hogsheads of

wood okay here we go again flattest

Italian hogsheads

or aquitanian God says what up it all

right why don’t we use real hogsheads

bit stop then we can have cheese all

right you know what let’s just build a

fence till we run out of trees oh my

gosh what a beautiful fish spawn Oh

Elena it’s a it’s only a pond

there used to be fishing it but there’s

no fishing no fish in them or what a

shame what pollution I’m guessing yeah

yeah yeah pollution yeah you know it’s

such a shame when you have a beautiful

fish pond like this that poisoned by

chemicals you know you not only lose the

fish and the income but the pleasure you

get from catching those fish you know I

was thinking the same thing it’s a real

shame yeah

Raynald and I stopped through

sponsorship he didn’t manage to catch

anything when I cut myself

several beautiful trout well you look at

that fish you know work okay stop

bragging what’s your wing is we so often

we hear about dead fish ponds and fields

that have gone barren out here in the

country and you know nature really does

heaven wing of recovering yeah you know

you must be just delighted my friend to

find out that the fish palm but you

thought was dead as actually a fine

fishery teeming with valuable fish yeah

imagine that

would you like to hand me my book please

Rain Man why not thank you so much when

we come back blood sweat tears and other

liquid assets

you

[Music]

nobody likes to pay taxes but the tax

which William the conquerer imposed upon

England was considered very harsh

especially by the anglo-saxons who had

to pay it it’s been calculated to have

been at a rate of about thirty percent

that’s not chicken feed but it included

chicken feed no radio I’d like to ask

you a question all right I’ve been doing

a few sums here and I’m wondering if you

have any idea what your Randle’s worth

Oh Wayne I’d uh I’d say about six seven

pounds right well that’s that’s exactly

what you put in your submission to the

King wasn’t it that’s right well I’ve

got some great news for you

well oh that’s good oh yes I’ve got some

very good news oh that’s great the lamb

but you thought was worth six or seven

pounds actually he has a taxable value

of 11 shillings and then what happened

well the thief realized I was catching

up to him so he dropped my Pig and

really took off and I figured he’d be

heading for the woods right because the

woods are full of thieves and cutthroats

oh yeah for sure if you go in the woods

today you’re in for a big surprise

over to the church okay

let me guess he threw himself on church

property yeah and he demanded sanitary

so does that mean he’s gonna come clean

about his crime no no he probably said

sanctuary not sanitary maybe here so

good yeah okay see once the thief

invoked the ritual of sanctuary he

couldn’t be arrested yeah basically I

mean all he has to do is walk to the

nearest dock or Wharf take a boat out to

an isolated island live out the rest of

his days there well at least it makes

life a bit safer for those of us who

live near the woods

unfortunately I live in the islands he

was a brave soldier and the

King gave him some land he wanted a plot

of land so the king gave him a hundred

well Gracie that’s what Kings do but

George

my uncle Harvey only wanted one plot of

land what’s he gonna do with the other

99 no no Gracie the plot of land is the

King’s giving plots to all his top

Knights

but he only has 20 top nine what’s he

gonna do with the other 80 it’s giving

the 20 nights each 120 hundreds yes Abba

George that’s two grand well I’m glad to

see you pleased about now we could also

give him a hide a cowhide or a horse

hide hide hide is 120 acres I didn’t

know cows came that big Tracy I fight to

support one family

oh I’m sure why a cow that big what

support has a brick well even though

it’s raining our spirits aren’t dampened

here it’s been a most rewarding visit

and next week we’re going to visit Roger

of plothole one of the King’s Knight’s

was fallen on hard times according to

his letter his pigs have run away his

slaves have died his meals have burned

down and his Fox that have suffered

spontaneous bovine combustion we’ll see

if we can’t explore his lands and find

some valuable property to cheer him up

to join us then goodbye

Oh ease Randall son of a

[Music]

the Domesday book was the first

large-scale census since Roman times and

the information was collected in person

from all over a kingdom with bad roads

and rebellious landowners landowners who

knew that a write-up would cost them big

bucks the book is like a snapshot of a

kingdom that really didn’t want its

photo taken right now

the original Domesday book still exists

in britain’s public record office in

london and it shows that in 1086 the

united kingdom had three million

citizens most of them farmers many

working for their Lords for nothing and

about 10% of the population were slaves

yeah these are the handwritten pages of

history and they show history bites

sure

while desserts all bring their bad

[Music]

boy you kids get out of there

[Music]

Post date March 15, 2020