Francisco Pizarro

In 1524 Spanish conquistador Francisco Pizarro’s journey to Peru in search of gold and how he handled the Incan civilization he encountered is portrayed in this episode. Includes a Star Trek parody called “Sea Trek” with Spanish conquistadors standing in for the Enterprise crew.

Original Air Date: July 2004
YouTube Transcript

Hello and welcome to History Bites I’m Rick Green.

People are always after a quick buck and they always have been 500 years before

blue chips and e-commerce the shrewd

investor placed his bets on gold South

American gold assembled a good team a

few ships the right equipment and you

could get very rich very quick these

entrepreneurs were known as

conquistadors that’s Spanish for

conquerors they sailed from Spain to

make a killing in South America

literally these guys were a tough breed

of speculator and business was cutthroat

rather than take gold from a mine shaft

or a mountain stream the conquistadors

took it from other people

first Aztecs been Incans this may sound

like stealing but to a conquistador it

was just a question of cutting up the

middleman and it was legal they were

acting on behalf of the Spanish crown

and the Catholic Church so let’s go back

to the Year 1520 for where a brave

ship’s crew is heading off to adventures

in a new world it’s a story that’s

stranger than fiction perhaps even

science fiction West the final frontier

these are the voyages of the sea ship

golden prize who’s 12 year mission to

explore strange new countries to seek

out new races new civilizations then

kill them all and steal their gold

Captain’s Log sea day June 14 15 20 70

Captain Francisco Pizarro reporting

during a routine exploration of the

South American sector we have arrived at

the bay of doom Brea’s

this region is inhabited by a simple

hospitable people who possess vast

mineral wealth gold captain this entire

area might prove to be a rich resource

for the Spanish Federation these Indians

seem so friendly and happy just look at

those villages having a little do an

Inca dinky doo perhaps we shouldn’t

disturb their peaceful way of life

captain bizarro have you forgotten the

prime directive as members of the

Spanish Federation of conquistadors we

are bound by the mandatory interference

Code section four paragraph 3 you shall

take their gold and territory then force

your beliefs and religion upon them on

pain of death sounds logical

mr. Gonzales i captain

stand by to eradicate bananas captain we

have a wee problem what is it Nancy it’s

the Google reserves captain what were

the storms in a long voyage can we

conquer these Incans or catholic captain

with no golden foot supplies running low

we could make conquer a wiki these three

youths Gandhi be Mossad activate the

transporter beam

[Music]

captain I’m picking up a message what is

it mr. de Soto

[Music]

it’s from the governor of Panama captain

he says they cannot spare the resources

to conquer every Bay and Inlet we

discover you’re ordered to return to

base at once that arrogant fool if we

don’t help these Incans get rid of that

gold it could fall into enemy hands

indeed captain logic dictates it is only

a matter of time before the British or

Dutch send warships to this region well

I don’t know what you’re gonna do about

him Frank

the governor represents the king and

queen of Spain his word is final

captain supplies have dropped the

critical levels

can we switch to auxiliary food supplies

Ganzi hey captain we still have our

leather boots we could start eating at

the button and would have got away to

the top after the top I think it’s time

I met with a king and queen of Spain now

you can have a Madonna for your very own

thanks to the great padam a child sale

at the starving artist’s art warehouse

sale

it’s a Madonna and Child blow of old

masters new masters hundreds to choose

from now if you are traveling through

Incan lands remember they don’t have

cows they do have llamas so you may want

to experiment with some local meats in

your Incan stew if you’re not sure what

to try as your guinea pig why not go

with what the Incas use a guinea pig

Captain’s Log sieve a July 26 1529

having been refused financing by

Panama’s governor de los ríos I’ve had

to sail back home to Spain to seek new

backing from King Charles and Queen

Isabella leave us

[Music]

you are the one they call captain pizza

roll bizarro but your husband King

Charles he’s not here he has a way

that’s battle he battles often it is his

way you will deal with me what is your

business I come seeking your support

there are vast lands which you which we

can conquer in your name I have other

lands I need Germany Austria Italy but

those are merely countries I offer you

on the world

[Music]

where is this new world out there beyond

the ocean this new world offers many

precious things my ship and my dream

have the technology to help you get gold

and jewels

[Music]

I have other golden jewels I need but

this new world offers even more this

tree gum called chicle

ooh yes natives find this chewing gum

quite a delicacy I would think a woman

of your exquisite taste might find the

experience quite stimulating really

captain I have no need for such

[Music]

I’ll pick Joan to plug okay Joe I hear

you’ve got a new plate coming out yes

it’s this fabulous story of a Jewish

woman who decides to give Christianity a

try after a while she says and she goes

back to Judaism

it’s called converse a reversal now if

you were accused of being a heretic

what’s the first thing an Inquisitor

might give you the opportunity to do

bend ova I kid I would say leave the

country I’ll agree no I’m sorry the

correct answer is to confess wearing a

coarse woolen robe call to San Benito

and a foolish conical hat I’d rather

leave the country than be seen in

something like that do you like my new

nightgown yeah I don’t know why you take

it off so I can get a better look at

yeah it is nice what is this silk mm-hmm

soap must have cost a fortune we can’t

afford anything it says Made in China I

wanted some money from mr. Esteban what

mr. esta ban these Jewish ray v Lateran

council changed its rules on user e now

anyone can lend money not just Jews

oh jeez Deborah I don’t know I’m not

real comfortable borrowing money from

someone who wasn’t you know Jewish that

is so racist ray Jews I just think they

generally they’ve been doing the whole

money lending thing for the past 500

years and they’re very good at it they

had to be

they weren’t allowed to own land or join

gills or make money any other way

exactly and hey hey would you go to a

doctor or wasn’t Italian no no you know

why did we ever got the training that’s

why I don’t think that a person’s race

should determine what kind of job they

do and I think the church agrees with me

all right all right you go ahead you go

to your Catholic moneylender this is

great Frank

Queen Isabella financed the entire thing

we’ve got our cabooses horses and 250

men even a clerical team to help you

convert the Indians in addition to our

share of the gold we’ve been granted

permission to rule this new territory

captain how did you negotiate such a

favorable agreement let’s just say I

push for whatever I could get come on

gentlemen we’ve got a civilization to

wipe out when we return

live long and prosper unless you’re a

Native American

[Music]

by the 1500s when Pizarro and his fellow

conquistadors arrived off the shores of

Peru the Incas were certainly top dogs

of the Andes Mountains they also had the

top gods that’s because when the Incas

defeated another tribe they also

destroyed the tribes gods and temples

and then forced them to adopt the one

true Incan faith but you know what they

say what goes around comes around any

luck cross it difficult to say Frank the

entire Incan belief system is so alien

but near as I can tell they believe in

the son is God the Son of God but we

kind of time double question know the

Sun in the sky as God they’re pagans

Frank we can do as we please good work

father it gets better

they have other practices the lord inca

has seers who predict weather and battle

strategies by examining the entrails of

llamas captain if the Incas possess

intestinal technology they may not be as

backward as we had assumed perhaps this

civilization warrants further study

mr. mangle I’ve got to think of my ship

and filling it with coal we’ve got to

find out what makes this culture tick

and how to stop it from okay madonna and

child not sold separately and we’ve also

got manger scenes manger scenes and more

major scenes each bigger church approved

you get married in the mountains of

these Indian lands to the south you’ll

find plenty of llama dung to help grow

your crops in the coastal areas guano

makes a wonderful fertilizer but what

about that area in between I like to use

a combination of the two which I call

gung this beige colored crop helper is

terrific all you need is a gun ho

they may not charge a fight these

Peruvian hack animals can spit chewed up

grass like you wouldn’t believe this

once spotted me in its tea tree it

doesn’t look too happy there wasn’t it

rocking that cantankerous cut you was

fully loaded it’s no one of the Incas

loved to sacrifice Lammers to the Inca

garden a few hundred Spaniards against

fifty thousand Incans Frank it’s

hopeless you can’t go down there

indeed I would calculate the likelihood

of victory to be approximately two

thousand one hundred and forty seven

point three to one captain I’m picking

up a power source from beyond the Andes

Mountains some kind of controlling force

this may be the Lord Inca we have heard

about that’s it captain miss Romero tell

me what do you know about Hernan Cortes

a Spanish conquistador born 1485 his

victory over the Aztecs is mandatory

reading at the academy ah yes I see well

I don’t see what is it mr. I’ll macro

simple father by kidnapping their leader

and ruling through him Cortes was able

to defeat a city of 1 million Aztecs

captain Pizarro believes it might work

here as well

it’s brilliant Frank but what if Cortez

is too busy to come down here come on

gentlemen let’s cross those mountains

Ganzi

set alchemist is on

maximum dispersal not that Pizarro could

have known this but he really picked the

perfect time to try and wipe out the

Incas that’s because the Incas were

already busy wiping themselves out in a

civil war it was a civil war that was

part family squabble when Lord Inka

hyuna capac died he left behind two sons

and each of them made a claim for the

throne while atahualpa ultimately

defeated huis car the fighting really

weakened his army this family feud would

lead to jeopardy mr. de Soto did you get

a message through to pata well yes sir I

told him that we wish to meet him to

establish a long lasting friendship with

the Incas you didn’t mention anything to

them about us wanting to ambush and kill

them no sir I was very careful about

that good work mr. de Soto now producing

better and stronger alloys of metal that

means that guns can be smaller it’s like

your own personal cannon these new

handheld weapons pistols carbines and

ARCA buses are sweeping the battlefield

literally so these days a smart shopper

can pick up swords and armor for a saw

the end of Knights and armor can be the

beginning of a very impressive bread

knife Captain’s Log sea date November 15

15 32

having passed through the Andes

Mountains we have arrived in the Incan

city of Chi marker here we wait for word

from the Lord Inca at the Lord Inca make

sure no one charges until I give the

signal I’m gonna try and reason with

them first so hopefully we can avoid any

bloodshed

I am captain Francisco T Pizarro of the

Spanish Federation of conquistadors we

offer you our friendship and ask only

for your goal I am well but we do not

need your friendship I am a god I am

perfect no you are a man you are

imperfect and you hurt your people I

help my people my laws required stores

of food be kept for times of famine but

you hurt them by preventing the poor

from dying off of salvation you also

require others to cultivate the land of

the elderly in Hannegan the strong ate

the weak the Lord in conducts all his

people

why did you imprison your brother who

asked our and murder every member of his

family

Wesker was a pulse code false gods must

be destroyed and it’s the law

if who asked our was not a god then he

must have been just an ordinary person

one of your people it was necessary to

punish him he earned by anger but you

said you loved all your people the lord

encamps all his people no you hated who

asked that means you are mistaken

i if you are mistaken you cannot be gone

therefore you are a false car era false

gods must be destroyed

obey along

[Music]

now may grow now

security take them away

[Music]

coming up the conquistadors do some

conch easting

[Music]

while the conquistadors victory over the

Incan Empire is remarkable they had a

few things in their favor

first the invading Spaniards had deadly

weapons that the Incas had never even

seen before

and second Pizarro and his men got the

help of neighboring tribes who’d been

conquered by the Incas the enemy of my

enemy is my friend

but the conquistadors greatest ally was

their smallest one a stealth weapon of

mass destruction

captain’s log see date August 27 15 33

with atahualpa civilian prison the Incan

soldiers have put up little resistance

to our attacks and their resistance to

the smallpox that is spreading through

their ranks is even less this outbreak

of smallpox is like a gift from God Oh

Frank I’ve had a chance to examine at a

Hopa

these reports of him having a golden

stool I checked twice Frank no gold I

think they must be referring to the

chair he sits on that’s too bad it could

have been very viable huh mister oh my

grop your status report on the lord inca

he has been cooperating fully with our

request captain and he has established

close friendships with both your brother

Hernando as well as mr. de Soto in

addition he recently offered the

Federation a room completely full of

gold in exchange for his freedom

recommendations accept his bribe and

execute him anyway

impeccable logic as always mr. hull

Michael Thank You captain Kanzi how’s

the melting process coming along well

let’s come along Sutter but melting the

gold into ingots with this tiny furnace

it takes time we don’t have time

Ganzi King Charles needs his gold now I

cannot turn the furnace any hotter

captain if I do she’ll blow like a

dragon I love bean diet you’ve got two

hours

aye sir

yes mr. de Soto the reports of the

temple in Cusco are true it’s completely

full of gold and the Incas keep several

of their most beautiful virgin girls

deserve their lay in a course for the

temple fill your custom order we can

include members of your family in your

scene commissioned us today we use only

the most expensive paints including blue

public health officials say with only a

few hundred deaths reported this year

the latest outbreak of plague which

began two years ago appears to be over

you know I’ve been all over the world

I’ve seen much much beauty but you you

are more lovely than all of those others

put together for the first time in my

life I feel truly happy

[Music]

[Applause]

well the forced conversions are

continuing are NAWAPA is executed and

the gold just keeps rolling in all’s

well that ends well hey father there’s

just one thing I don’t understand mr.

owl Meg grow when you originally put

Otto WAPA on trial you sentenced him to

be burned alive later

you had him garroted a quicker and less

painful death why the compassion

compassion I think not Father karate is

a more expedient and less costly form of

execution logic dictated he died that

way I don’t know miss Romero we might

just make a decent human being out of

you yet

[Music]

after the death of auda who walpa

Pizarro and his conquistadors quickly

gained control of Peru

unfortunately they then succumbed to a

powerful force their own greed

am i grow and Pizarro had all of Peru to

divvy up but they couldn’t agree on who

should get what Pizarro’s brothers

captured on Magro and after a trial as

bogus as the one that atahualpa had

received they executed him now magros

supporters then assassinated Pizarro in

defeating the Incas and capturing their

treasure the conquistadors had made

history but the very desire for wealth

which had pushed them to that victory

eventually betrayed them making them

history in another way in history like

an angry llama bites

[Music]

Post date February 13, 2020